Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You need a sexual gate keeper
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I have so many feelings about this burrito
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