So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
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Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
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So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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