I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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