I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
