somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
