I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm sobbing to NWA
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
