I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
