i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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