so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
