I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
