I think I died a long time ago.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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