I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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