you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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