I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
