I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
