theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
