woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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