that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
he had hair everywhere except his balls
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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