I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
