Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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