he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
