Umm I'm too high to move.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i dont even know how to be here
The chlamydia really affected his face.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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