For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
