we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
