omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
