Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
