My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
