i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
