some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Randomize
