last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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