I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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