my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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