youre lurking in front of me
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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