Where is the hickey?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
