wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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