When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
