Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
