from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
