halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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