So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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