I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Randomize
