at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
