She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
