I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
