Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
