I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You took a bar mat shot.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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