Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
