My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
