Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
This can only be settled by a dance off.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
