so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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