FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
