So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
