my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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