the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
