Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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