Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
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