I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
