just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Randomize
