Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
