If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
