Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
