he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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