you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
