So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
