Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
