whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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