sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
