neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
