you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
