Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
