Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
home. puking in laundry basket.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
