8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
