She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
