he thought i was a dude.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
